he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
