$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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