my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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