So drunk its hurt
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize