ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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