I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
