So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize