It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
