my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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