New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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