i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
