Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
