WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
