break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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