So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
