i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize