You're my little dorito
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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