Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
