So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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