So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
