party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
where are my eyebrows?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
