I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
