haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
