I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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