Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
