need another drink. this is the easiest way
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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