is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
