U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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