I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
