he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
