Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
