I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize