We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
