i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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