thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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