i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
