my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
