The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
