Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
