you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
