gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
