i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
