Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
