Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize