Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
