I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found the puke drawer
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
