Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
