Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
