It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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