my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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