My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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