I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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