He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
