he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
