Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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