Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
