If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Too much gin, very little bucket
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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