i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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