Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
