This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
