it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize