can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
