Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
