is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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