meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
