I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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