paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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