How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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